Even in his university years, Cihn was still a doubtful man. Not just about any old subject but the only subject he really cared two cents about.
His insecurities seemed to be a constant roller coaster that on days he had difficulty grasping. One day, they’d be so completely in love, undivided attention and all. Then the next day it was like it didn’t exist. They’d both go about their seperate forms of work and when they got home it was only idle chit chat and then bed. No moments of grandeur. Nothing.
It wasn’t like Cihn had a problem against it. He was secretly quite fond of the simplisity. It was just…
at times he found himself wondering if maybe ZJ might be falling out of love with him. He knew it was childish and totally groundless but the fear was there every time that ZJ might choose not to look at him when he was talking or kiss him when he wanted him to or call when Cihn was sitting in silence for too long.
What if one day, he just didn’t come home? What if he didn’t like the simplisity at all? What if he was finally getting bored of Cihn?
The distress was sometimes so thick in his mind that he found it even hard to swallow. It would eat away at him in the hours the clock would tick by until ZJ would get off work.
Then it was a waiting game of what ifs and maybe this times and it would only pile up… until the door handle would jiggle and he heard the familiar scrape of keys.
Then it was like a switch.
ZJ would come in and Cihn was always sure to greet him, no matter where he might be in the apartment. He’d welcome him home and ask him how work was.
Then ZJ would do something as simple as offer him a tired smile or steal a kiss in passing and all that insecurity would crumble and evaporate. Gone, like it had never existed.
Why had he been worried?
Of course ZJ would come home to him.
He always did.
And maybe sometimes Cihn felt like he was far more in love with ZJ then the other way around… but one kiss was all it took and sudenly – maybe – that wasn’t such a bad thing.